Grimm Memories cnt...

Psalm 23


The LORD is my shepherd,

I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

forever.

This was one bible verse I have heard more times then I would like to. i was growing tired of it, and slowly was finding it a crock of crap... where was Gods goodness when he was taking away every person i had ever loved or cared for. I wasn't feeling his love and yeah I was getting tired of their in a better place crap. The better place was here with me... At 6 it was hard to understand that and it only got worse as the years went on... i remember 6 months after my grandmother died my Great aunt gave me a card. It was from my grand Mother and it was for my 1st Communion, she had bought it 6 months in advance and Auntie gave it to me. Even at 6 years old i have never cried so hard in my life. I also started to realize everything she would be missing, and as the other passed I started to see how everyone was missing alot of my life...

A few years later after Grandma, Jimmy, a cousin of my grandparents, died. It was unexpected and it hit me hard and fast. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck then backed over a few times. Jimmy was gone... See, I was very close with him and had spent countless hours at his side. I'd followed him around like a lost puppy dog. He would get so sick of me that he would place me in front of the television and watch 'Charlie's Brown's Christmas' no matter what time of year it was. I also remember him placing me in front of 'The Sound of Music' a lot.


When he died, or should I say 'passed away', I sat in the house hoping to see him there. To hear the creak of the computer chair in his den. It never creaked again, it stayed silent. Six months after Jimmy died his sister's husband Joe went too. I didn't know him much but he was a good man. He did a lot for the Polish community of Cleveland. It just hurt knowing another one was gone. After this I turned into a somewhat angry girl.

Death hovered over us still, and was taking up permanent residence with my family. A few months after Joe it was the turn of my beloved great aunt "Auntie". That made me fall to pieces and I don't think I ever got some of those pieces back. She was so full of life and happy and loved her Cleveland Indians. I think that is were I got my personality from, and my green thumb. She even made a joke right up to the end, to make me smile through the tears. When she passed away I thought I felt her spirit pass me in a cold breeze as I sat in the waiting room watching 'I Love Lucy.' I never loved Lucy after that night. My parents broke down too, even though they tried to hold it back. Auntie was gone... forever. The house was sold, and my sanctuary was gone. All the memories, all the smells, gone in a blink of an eye.

My 8th grade year I lost Jimmy's sister Dolores. I think that one caused my sister to fall to pieces. My sister wasn't the same after that. Dolores got cancer, and turned very frail. She got better for a little bit then turned to the worse. She lost her hair, her weight, and her smile. He and my sister was very close and I watch her grow angry as well. Dolores picked my Confermation name. It was a Polish Saint and she picked her for me. she was to ill to coem to see me get Confermed but i chose it as her last wish and in honor to her. 4 months later she was gone... and Faustina St. of Devine Mercy didn't answer my prayers...

I remember at the cemetery looking at the plot then looking across the street and seeing my grandmothers, grandfathers, great aunt, and Jimmy not too far from her. I realized this is where the majority of my family was. It was my freshman year when the last of my family died, Uncle Tex. He was a war vet for WWII and wasn't the same after he came back. And it only got worse as he got older... I guess truly he is finally at peace with himself now. I hated to see him suffer as much as he did.
The funeral came and went, and the four of us - my mom, dad, and sister - sat in the funeral home with him, with Uncle Tex. No-one came but we stayed there anyway. They lowered his casket into the ground and that's when I realized no-one else was left to say good-bye.


I haven't seen Death since, and I truly don't miss him. I wish he could have left sooner, and not taken so many people in my family away with him. I have experienced more loss and death then anybody shoudl ever have to go through. I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone. I hate to think of all the birthdays missed, holidays an empty plate sat at the table. My graduation and my graduations from college they are missing. My wedding they won't see, and the person i've become they will never see... they will never see my kids or meet that Polish boy my grandmother dreamed of for me and my sis...

There were a few benefits though through it all. I've grown very close to my sister, who was there every step of the way. And my parents and I are extremely close, too.

But there is one place they have stayed all these years - in my heart.

So when you think you got all the time in the world... take another look and make the time you have left count.

Feel lucky for what you have, and don't complain about your family.

Because you will end up missing their little quirks, and that old people smell at grandma's.



(All right all i just wanted to write alittle thank you to my 2 new followers! i'm up to 3 and thats pretty cool! Also for all the support from Denny and all the college kids at bible study. thanks for liking my idea and supporting it. also thanks to Susen Issacs that actually commented on one of my posts and is giving me the thumbs up and support! :D -Aubrey)